Hey guys! It's Dad, You know that I want nothing more for each of you than to see you living a joy filled life. What's kind of crazy though is that most people don't learn how to create joy in their lives until they're much older, or even worse...never at all. I'm hoping that, with a little bit of understanding, I can help you build truly joy lives before your old like Dad! Goodness knows, it took me a long time , but now that I found the way, I want to help you guys cut to the chase and really appreciate the moments of joy and happiness and come and go as you grow! In Chinese philosophy, Yin and Yang is a sort of graphic representation of how two very different or even opposite forces can work together to create harmony or balance in your life. You've probably seen it. It's a black and white design with two sort of swirling shapes that wrap around each other. One is black with a white dot in the middle, and the other is white with a black dot, but the amount of black and white within the design is exactly equal. It's perfectly balanced between light and dark. Balance is a key element of any joy filled life. The idea for this post came to me when we had just left Ensenada, Mexico. We were on a our Disney Cruise. We were playing games, watching movies, eating, laughing a lot, and really feeling pampered. Of course this was in sharp contrast to Ensenada. You guys had never seen anything like Ensenada before. It was pretty run down. It was rough looking. It certainly wasn't the comfortable suburban environment that you are accustomed to with big houses. We had just gotten back onto the ship, a bit anxious and a bit exhausted, when Jeffrey said, "This is almost like home! Watching Bazaardvark and eating snacks. Just chillin'!" I started thinking to myself, "Wow! I could have saved a lot of money and just stayed home." Then it hit me. It was the contrast that you boys were appreciating at that very moment. It was the difference between the harsh environment of this particular part of Mexico compared to the comforts of being pampered on our cruise ship. It was balance. Had we stayed on the ship, we might have grown bored with the same ol' thing. But we took a little adventure. We got out of our comfort zones; way out of our comfort zones. Then, when we were back, it was peaceful again, and we all wore spontaneous smiles. When we were back on the boat, you knew that you were safe and secure. You were comfortable. You were familiar with your surroundings. Even though we were away from home, you felt something important; something absolutely vital to a joy filled life. You felt certainty. When you're home, and you know that you have food in the fridge, clean clothes in your drawers, and a safe warm bed, you know that your safe. You're certain that you're safe. This next piece is where so many folks miss the boat. Yes, of course we all need certainty, but we also need a completely different feeling in order to create balance. In fact, it's not just a different feeling from certainty. It's the complete opposite. In order to truly recognize joy, we must experience uncertainty. We have to "not know." We've got to wonder what's next. We've got to be fearful. We need to feel those chemicals naturally releasing in our bodies...to wake us up! We need adrenaline and endorphins to balance out our otherwise peaceful bodies. We need that Yin to the Yang. Take a moment and think about times in your young lives when the words, feelings and thoughts that follow completely took over your mind: Are we going to get lost? Am I lost now? Is this going to hurt? Am I going to be OK? Can I do this? What if she doesn't like me? And on and on. These sometimes frightening thoughts and feelings serve two really important purposes though. 1) They provide opportunities for physical and emotional growth. Maybe you didn't think you were ready, but you were. Maybe you though you couldn't...and you were right! Maybe you finally felt, "I think I can actually do this." and you succeeded. 2) They provide a drastic contrast to the comfort of your certainty-filled lives. These thoughts were the fuel of the moment. These uncertainties were important parts of what made you who you are today. You might be thinking, "Bud Dad, these are the kinds of things are bad. Aren't the? They stress me out! I don't want to be lost, or hurt!" Of course you don't. I don't want you to be lost or hurt either. But it's really important to recognize that there are two types of stress: Distress, which is bad stress caused by things that are completely out of our control, and Eustress, which is caused by the anticipation of the unknown. Eustress is a thrilling exhilaration. It's something you might feel inside right before you give a speech, or before you take the stage to dance in front of an audience, or before a playoff game, or before you go on a roller-coaster. This might sound lame, but bear with me. Sometimes I get the most powerful messages from the stupidest places. Years ago, I was watching an adult cartoon called Beevis and Butthead. IT's kinda like Southpark or Family Guy. Well, something horrible had happened, and Beevis was really upset. That's when Butthead said... "But Beevis...If nothing ever sucked, how could anything every be cool?" But he was right! If you never struggled to the point of failure, how would you ever feel the joy of achievement? If you never got lost, how could you ever feel the joy of simply being home? If you never felt overwhelming physical pain, you could never appreciate the simple absence of pain? Finally, if you never loved and got your heart broken, how would you ever know the joy of truly being loved? Think of your certainties, your comforts, your typical days at home as your place to sit and feel the joy of life. But you've got to understand that your uncertainties are the fuel that joy needs to survive and to grow. You really can't have one without the other. So, as my Aussie friends often say, "Give it a go!" And as my surfing friends would say, "Eddie would go!" Boys, remember to embrace the uncertainties of life; welcome them. They are just as much a part of a joy filled life as your comfort and your certainty. So chase uncertainties boys. Then, rest in certainty. I love you boys. Love Dad #itsdad
0 Comments
Hey guys! It's Dad. Today, although our home was empty, my head sure wasn't. I was cleaning up the house after an often frantic weekday morning when I realized that I couldn't seem to find peace in my head. I couldn't seem to stop the constant thinking. I wanted to be "Present," in the moment, but I kept thinking about choices I'd made, and if those choices were the best choices I could make. I just kept creating this stress and noise in my mind about thoughts and things of yesterday. Then it hit me. I remembered a story that I'd heard years and years ago. It's the story of Two Monks and a Maiden. It goes something like this... One day, hundreds of years ago, two monks were traveling through the forests and valleys of rural China, on a journey to a distant Buddhist temple on a mountaintop. These two monks had made a promise to Buddha (their God) to focus only on their spiritual growth, and not to be distracted by the desires of modern comforts, beautiful women, and other worldly things. In fact, they had taken an oath to not speak with, touch, or even look at women. They were to keep their focus at all times. One monk was old and very wise. The other was young, enthusiastic, and eager to show the older, wiser monk how proper he could behave. This walk would take them several hours to complete, all spent in silence, thinking about the sights and sounds of their journey, and thinking about their faith; their spiritual growth. After a couple of hours of silently hiking through the trails and villages, the two monks approached a small creek that, after days of heavy rains, had turned into a raging river. As they approached the river, they noticed a young woman on the side of the river. She needed to pass, but couldn't possibly survive had she tried to cross the rushing river. Without a moments hesitation, the tiny old monk offered his help. The young woman accepted his help, and the old monk lifted her with all of his might to carry her across the river. The young monk was in shock. He couldn't understand how the older, wiser monk could break his vow; his promise. Several moments later, the old monk set the young woman safely on the bank on the other side of the river. As the young monk awaited his return, he could barely contain his aggravation, frustration, and disappointment. Soon, the wise old monk climbed from the river, and continued his silent journey toward the old temple in the mountains. One hour passed, then another, and another. The entire time, the young monk's blood was pumping in anger and confusion. After yet another hour of hiking in silence, the young monk couldn't keep it in any longer. He blurted out, "I can't believe that you did that! We're not even allowed to gaze upon a young woman, yet you walked over and picked her up and carried her! How can you justify this behavior?" The wise old monk didn't miss a stride when he said, "I set down that fair maiden nearly four hours ago. Are you still carrying her?" The two monks walked, silently, side by side, into the temple. The wise old monk, walking in peace; the young monk deep in though about the lesson that he'd learned on his journey. Sometimes we can lose the beautiful moments that we're living in by allowing the fears, disappointments, and regrets of our pasts to steal them away. Be aware of this. Be in the moment. Allow the very moment that you're in to be experienced as it is. Allow it to be cherished, enjoyed, and protected from the fears, disappointments, and regrets of our past. There's another lesson buried in that story too. It is to understand that the laws and rules of our society, our schools, our homes, are there for a reason. These laws and rules protect us. However, there are going to be moments in your life when you have to trust yourself to do the right thing in the right moment, even if it's against the laws or rules of your surroundings. You are bright young men. You are gentlemen. You may be faced with a situation like the wise old monk, where you feel compelled to do something that is against the rules, but for the right reason. I trust you to do the right thing, because the right thing is guiding you each day. Let go of yesterday. It no longer exists, so don't carry it's burdens. Trust in yourself to recognize when doing the right thing and doing what you're told are different. Then, be confident in your decision, and let it go. Be in this moment. This moment is all that we will ever have. Remember the joy that being a gentleman brings. I love you boys, Love Dad |
AuthorAs a father of two sons, I have often wavered between feeling the burden of raising two strong, intelligent, compassionate young men and the privilege of doing so. Archives
May 2017
|