Hey guys! It’s Dad.We’ve just started a brand new school year with countless opportunities ahead of each of us. I thought that this would be a perfect time to share a bit of insight that will keep your academic and social journeys full of smiles. I heard this idea from John Joseph, on a podcast the other night. You know, that Ironman, vegan, punk-rock singer with tons of tattoos? He was on the Joe Rogan podcast when he said “Be the Bee, not the Fly.” I know that bees can sting you, but that’s only if they’re protecting themselves. Bees are absolutely brilliant, beautiful, and amazing little creatures. They’re attracted to flowers and fruits and nuts, and all types of natural beauty. Bees work hard collecting pollen, then they take that pollen and sprinkle it all over the world, helping trees, bushes, and flowers of all kinds to grow and thrive! Did you know that bees pollinate blueberries, apples, melons, almonds and tons of other foods too? They’re responsible for the continued growth of the flowers that make our gardens and homes look and smell beautiful…and for the flowers that will make your girlfriends smile and blush someday too. Without bees…our world would be a dark and dreary place. Flies, on the other hand, are disgusting, disease-ridden creatures that tear down whatever they touch. They’re attracted to garbage, decaying animals, and poop; yes…poop! What’s more disgusting than that? They swarm around all this waste looking for their next meal. Then, before they eat that foul pile trash, they puke on it…and slurp it right back up. That is not my favorite collection of table manners. Yes, of course, flies play an important roll in the circle of life. It’s just not a roll that I want to be a part of. So what do bees and flies have to do with kids in school? Everything! I want you guys to Be the Bees at school. Be beautiful. I want you to spread smiles and kindness and compliments and sympathy wherever you go. I want you to ask questions of your friends, like, “How was summer?” and “How’s school going for you so far?” Then I want you to pause and listen to what they share. Listen with the soul intention being to understand what they’re sharing, not simply to share right back to them. Give complements for the sake of making someone smile, not because you want a complement in return. I want you to work, consciously and purposefully, helping others grow into beautiful young people just like you. Then…they’ll become the Bees too! Imagine that. A school full of bees, making everything around them look, smell, and feel beautiful. Be the Bees, boys. Not the flies. Be the Bees. I love you Hugs Dad
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Hey guys! It's Dad, You know that I want nothing more for each of you than to see you living a joy filled life. What's kind of crazy though is that most people don't learn how to create joy in their lives until they're much older, or even worse...never at all. I'm hoping that, with a little bit of understanding, I can help you build truly joy lives before your old like Dad! Goodness knows, it took me a long time , but now that I found the way, I want to help you guys cut to the chase and really appreciate the moments of joy and happiness and come and go as you grow! In Chinese philosophy, Yin and Yang is a sort of graphic representation of how two very different or even opposite forces can work together to create harmony or balance in your life. You've probably seen it. It's a black and white design with two sort of swirling shapes that wrap around each other. One is black with a white dot in the middle, and the other is white with a black dot, but the amount of black and white within the design is exactly equal. It's perfectly balanced between light and dark. Balance is a key element of any joy filled life. The idea for this post came to me when we had just left Ensenada, Mexico. We were on a our Disney Cruise. We were playing games, watching movies, eating, laughing a lot, and really feeling pampered. Of course this was in sharp contrast to Ensenada. You guys had never seen anything like Ensenada before. It was pretty run down. It was rough looking. It certainly wasn't the comfortable suburban environment that you are accustomed to with big houses. We had just gotten back onto the ship, a bit anxious and a bit exhausted, when Jeffrey said, "This is almost like home! Watching Bazaardvark and eating snacks. Just chillin'!" I started thinking to myself, "Wow! I could have saved a lot of money and just stayed home." Then it hit me. It was the contrast that you boys were appreciating at that very moment. It was the difference between the harsh environment of this particular part of Mexico compared to the comforts of being pampered on our cruise ship. It was balance. Had we stayed on the ship, we might have grown bored with the same ol' thing. But we took a little adventure. We got out of our comfort zones; way out of our comfort zones. Then, when we were back, it was peaceful again, and we all wore spontaneous smiles. When we were back on the boat, you knew that you were safe and secure. You were comfortable. You were familiar with your surroundings. Even though we were away from home, you felt something important; something absolutely vital to a joy filled life. You felt certainty. When you're home, and you know that you have food in the fridge, clean clothes in your drawers, and a safe warm bed, you know that your safe. You're certain that you're safe. This next piece is where so many folks miss the boat. Yes, of course we all need certainty, but we also need a completely different feeling in order to create balance. In fact, it's not just a different feeling from certainty. It's the complete opposite. In order to truly recognize joy, we must experience uncertainty. We have to "not know." We've got to wonder what's next. We've got to be fearful. We need to feel those chemicals naturally releasing in our bodies...to wake us up! We need adrenaline and endorphins to balance out our otherwise peaceful bodies. We need that Yin to the Yang. Take a moment and think about times in your young lives when the words, feelings and thoughts that follow completely took over your mind: Are we going to get lost? Am I lost now? Is this going to hurt? Am I going to be OK? Can I do this? What if she doesn't like me? And on and on. These sometimes frightening thoughts and feelings serve two really important purposes though. 1) They provide opportunities for physical and emotional growth. Maybe you didn't think you were ready, but you were. Maybe you though you couldn't...and you were right! Maybe you finally felt, "I think I can actually do this." and you succeeded. 2) They provide a drastic contrast to the comfort of your certainty-filled lives. These thoughts were the fuel of the moment. These uncertainties were important parts of what made you who you are today. You might be thinking, "Bud Dad, these are the kinds of things are bad. Aren't the? They stress me out! I don't want to be lost, or hurt!" Of course you don't. I don't want you to be lost or hurt either. But it's really important to recognize that there are two types of stress: Distress, which is bad stress caused by things that are completely out of our control, and Eustress, which is caused by the anticipation of the unknown. Eustress is a thrilling exhilaration. It's something you might feel inside right before you give a speech, or before you take the stage to dance in front of an audience, or before a playoff game, or before you go on a roller-coaster. This might sound lame, but bear with me. Sometimes I get the most powerful messages from the stupidest places. Years ago, I was watching an adult cartoon called Beevis and Butthead. IT's kinda like Southpark or Family Guy. Well, something horrible had happened, and Beevis was really upset. That's when Butthead said... "But Beevis...If nothing ever sucked, how could anything every be cool?" But he was right! If you never struggled to the point of failure, how would you ever feel the joy of achievement? If you never got lost, how could you ever feel the joy of simply being home? If you never felt overwhelming physical pain, you could never appreciate the simple absence of pain? Finally, if you never loved and got your heart broken, how would you ever know the joy of truly being loved? Think of your certainties, your comforts, your typical days at home as your place to sit and feel the joy of life. But you've got to understand that your uncertainties are the fuel that joy needs to survive and to grow. You really can't have one without the other. So, as my Aussie friends often say, "Give it a go!" And as my surfing friends would say, "Eddie would go!" Boys, remember to embrace the uncertainties of life; welcome them. They are just as much a part of a joy filled life as your comfort and your certainty. So chase uncertainties boys. Then, rest in certainty. I love you boys. Love Dad #itsdad Hey guys! It's Dad. Today, although our home was empty, my head sure wasn't. I was cleaning up the house after an often frantic weekday morning when I realized that I couldn't seem to find peace in my head. I couldn't seem to stop the constant thinking. I wanted to be "Present," in the moment, but I kept thinking about choices I'd made, and if those choices were the best choices I could make. I just kept creating this stress and noise in my mind about thoughts and things of yesterday. Then it hit me. I remembered a story that I'd heard years and years ago. It's the story of Two Monks and a Maiden. It goes something like this... One day, hundreds of years ago, two monks were traveling through the forests and valleys of rural China, on a journey to a distant Buddhist temple on a mountaintop. These two monks had made a promise to Buddha (their God) to focus only on their spiritual growth, and not to be distracted by the desires of modern comforts, beautiful women, and other worldly things. In fact, they had taken an oath to not speak with, touch, or even look at women. They were to keep their focus at all times. One monk was old and very wise. The other was young, enthusiastic, and eager to show the older, wiser monk how proper he could behave. This walk would take them several hours to complete, all spent in silence, thinking about the sights and sounds of their journey, and thinking about their faith; their spiritual growth. After a couple of hours of silently hiking through the trails and villages, the two monks approached a small creek that, after days of heavy rains, had turned into a raging river. As they approached the river, they noticed a young woman on the side of the river. She needed to pass, but couldn't possibly survive had she tried to cross the rushing river. Without a moments hesitation, the tiny old monk offered his help. The young woman accepted his help, and the old monk lifted her with all of his might to carry her across the river. The young monk was in shock. He couldn't understand how the older, wiser monk could break his vow; his promise. Several moments later, the old monk set the young woman safely on the bank on the other side of the river. As the young monk awaited his return, he could barely contain his aggravation, frustration, and disappointment. Soon, the wise old monk climbed from the river, and continued his silent journey toward the old temple in the mountains. One hour passed, then another, and another. The entire time, the young monk's blood was pumping in anger and confusion. After yet another hour of hiking in silence, the young monk couldn't keep it in any longer. He blurted out, "I can't believe that you did that! We're not even allowed to gaze upon a young woman, yet you walked over and picked her up and carried her! How can you justify this behavior?" The wise old monk didn't miss a stride when he said, "I set down that fair maiden nearly four hours ago. Are you still carrying her?" The two monks walked, silently, side by side, into the temple. The wise old monk, walking in peace; the young monk deep in though about the lesson that he'd learned on his journey. Sometimes we can lose the beautiful moments that we're living in by allowing the fears, disappointments, and regrets of our pasts to steal them away. Be aware of this. Be in the moment. Allow the very moment that you're in to be experienced as it is. Allow it to be cherished, enjoyed, and protected from the fears, disappointments, and regrets of our past. There's another lesson buried in that story too. It is to understand that the laws and rules of our society, our schools, our homes, are there for a reason. These laws and rules protect us. However, there are going to be moments in your life when you have to trust yourself to do the right thing in the right moment, even if it's against the laws or rules of your surroundings. You are bright young men. You are gentlemen. You may be faced with a situation like the wise old monk, where you feel compelled to do something that is against the rules, but for the right reason. I trust you to do the right thing, because the right thing is guiding you each day. Let go of yesterday. It no longer exists, so don't carry it's burdens. Trust in yourself to recognize when doing the right thing and doing what you're told are different. Then, be confident in your decision, and let it go. Be in this moment. This moment is all that we will ever have. Remember the joy that being a gentleman brings. I love you boys, Love Dad Hey guys! It's Dad. You know, our society has created unrealistic, unhealthy, and ultimately unattainable goals for us. It is constantly pushing us to be more than we are today; to be bigger, to be stronger, to be more wealthy, to be more powerful, to be smarter...to be the boss. I want you to know that you don't have to listen to society. In fact, I'd hope that you turn away and choose your own path. You don't have to play that unwinnable game. You can be yourselves and find joy in your days today, and in your future. You can bring joy to others lives, today, and in the future. I want that for you. You know that I often dream at night, but I don't often have happy dreams. Well last night I had a really peaceful dream; a dream that taught me something, and it made me smile. There was a father speaking to his son. The father loved his son and wanted nothing more than to help his son achieve happiness and success. Their conversation went something like this. Father: "Hey son! What do you think you'd like to do when you're older? What interests you? What kind of job do you see yourself doing when you're older so that you can be successful and happy in your life?" Son: "I don't know Dad. I guess I like dancing. I like football too. I kinda like art, like painting and stuff. Oh, and I want to fly!" Father: "Well those are great interests! Are those things that you'd like to pursue now, or in the near future? Did you want Mom and I to sign you up for some art classes, or to play football?" Son: "No, thank you." Father: "Well, if you want to succeed; if you want to really create a comfortable and happy future for yourself, we might want to look into it sooner rather than later. We can set it up for you. Think about it. Do you want to be a big fish in a small pond, or do you want to be a big fish in the ocean?" Son: "I'm not a fish, dad. I'm a bird. I want to fly. I really just want to fly" Then the Dad just hugged his son tightly and told him, "Then you go fly, little man! You go fly!" I know it's a bit of a crazy dream, but it spoke to me. It reminded me how important it is to be yourself! You don't have to strive for the old "American Dream." You can make your own American dream. You can live in a bus at the beach and surf all year long. Heck, you could video yourself doing it and probably earn a comfortable living; a happy, peaceful living. You could open a nursery and teach people how to grow and cook their own food. You could work for the president, and maybe knock some sense into him. Just keep your spirit plugged in all the time. Make sure that the path you're taking leads to peace within yourself. Make sure that you let yourselves fly! Your Mom and I are the end of an era. We're the end of the era that taught us to "Do well in school, then go to college, get married, buy a house, have kids, then retire and enjoy your golden years." By "Golden Years" they mean when you're old. It's sad to say, but sometimes those golden years never "seem" to come. But the only way that those very best years won't come is if you keep looking into the future to find them. The Golden Years; they are here right now. Enjoy your lives right now. Explore your interests now. Of course those interest will probably change, but those are healthy changes. If you're a fish, I hope you swim in the ocean. And if you're a bird, then I hope you fly to wherever your heart takes you. I love you boys. Love Dad Hi boys. It's Dad. I saw this quote by William G.T. Sheed, and it made me think of you. “A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.” I want to encourage in you the willingness to take chances. I know that it sounds simple, but it isn't easy. It can be scary. In fact it's pretty much always scary to take chances. But, amazing things happen when we take chances. Life changing things; world changing things can happen when we take chances. In fact, they only happen when we take chances. As a bartender for a long long time, I can't tell you how hours I spend listening to how many people pour their hearts out to me. Their lives were buried in fear. They asked me about relationships or careers. We'd talk about adventures, sports, travel, and hobbies. It wasn't long before I realized that my answer was always the same. The answer to all of those questions goes something like this: Imagine yourself on the top of a steep, steep mountain bike trail, or maybe a ski slope. It's so steep that it looks impossible to go down. You're all geared up, ready to go, but you're completely freaked out about how you're going to get down. Here are your choices. You can go down very cautiously, with the brakes on, slowly inching your way down, making sure that you don't fall. Or, you can release the brakes, find your path and just go for it. Now the outcome of these two different approaches could not be more different from each other. If you take the cautious and methodical approach, you're gonna make it down. White knuckles, heart beating like crazy, and glad it's over. But you'll be safe. When you're done, your life will be the same. You will be at the bottom. But if you risk it; if you take a chance, you've really got only two possible outcomes. 1) You go for it. You go bombing down the mountain and have an absolutely horrible wipe-out; bouncing off the ground as your gear is strewn all over the mountainside. We gave this less than desirable outcome a nickname, "A Yard Sale!" Gloves are over here! A boot is over there! Where are the goggles please? As you continue your tumble, you let out an uncontrolled howl that's usually accompanied by a trip to the ER for some stitches and an X-ray or two. Take it from me, these wipe-outs can, and usually do, have an impact on your life. Still, I wouldn't trade 'em for the world. My friends and I still laugh about 'em today. The other possible outcome is that you actually make it! You lean over the edge of the mountain and let it roll! With acceleration like you've never felt before, you go flying down the mountain, dodging rocks and trees, grunting and groaning, jumping over stumps and boulders like some guy on the X-Games! You see your life pass before your eyes about a million times. Then, right before the mountain flattens out at the bottom, you let out a uncontrolled howl that's usually accompanied by the biggest grin you've ever had. Just like the cautious approach, you've got white knuckles and your heart is beating like crazy, and you're at the bottom. But you did it, and you'll never be the same for it! You may never go down again, or you may catch your breath, laugh with your buddies, and climb right back on the lift back to the summit! Either way, I can promise you one thing. Wipe-out or make it; your life will never be the same. It will never be the same because you took the chance. Don't be afraid to take chances. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't think that you can't do it. You can! Think about it. Noah built the ark. I bet he was a bit uneasy about it! And the best engineers in the world built the Titanic. We all know how that worked out. Sometimes we succeed, and sometimes we learn. Mark Zuckerberg, that guy that made Facebook, said, "The biggest risk is not taking any risk at all. In a world that's changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks." Consider what could happen if you succeed. Consider what could happen if you fail. Then consider what will happen if you don't even try. So what's on the other side of chance? Life. "Should I accept that job in Rhode Island?" I don't know. Would you be happier if you got the job? "Should I climb Mt. Everest?" I don't know. Is that a dream of yours? If so, why have you waited this long? Let's pack! "Should I ask that pretty girl to dance?" Yes! Definitely yes. I did. That pretty girl is your mom. I love you boys. I hope you live your lives, rather than just endure 'em. Take chances. We'll be here to pick you up if you fall. Love Dad. Hey guys. It's Dad. I just wanted to take a minute to give you the true answer to a question that Jeffrey asked when he was much younger. "But Dada. Why do you have to do Ironman?" I know that you may not completely understand why I compete triathlon and other endurance events. A lot of people; ok most people think that it's so I can say "Yeah! I did an Ironman." So I can to brag, or to post something on social media so people will show me support. Truly, that's not it. That's not it at all. Sometimes I wish that the answer was that simple. The bottom line is that the "event" that I'm often training for provides little or no reward. What I have found is that, when I push myself beyond what I think I'm capable of; when I'm exhausted and hurt and hungry and I want to quit and I can't...that is when the deepest self exploration starts. That's when I learn the real lessons of life. As your dad, I don't think I really have the right to sit on the couch with a pizza and a few beers, cheering on a football team, is going to make me...better. I owe it to you two, and to your mother, to be ther very, very best I can be. It's my duty; actually it's my privilege to help you guys have the most joy filled lives possible. That doesn't mean fancy houses and expensive cars but recognizing and appreciating simple happiness. So, no, it's not pretty. It's not pretty at all, but when everything gets stripped away; really stripped away, and I no longer care if I'm bleeding, or snot is running down my face, or if I throw up or if I believe I can continue or not, it's about what comes after that. It's no longer about "hey look at me", it's about really matters most. You guys matter most. I want to find the path or maybe even create the path to help you guys become better and better young man. I want you to grow stronger, both emotionaly and physically, I want you to grow happier; both in what you have, and in what you do. I want you to grow smarter, both both accademically and socially. Finally, I want you to learn something that has taken me far too long. That is to find balance between courage and compassion. Lastly, I want you to live a life that is filled with joy: the joy of experience, the joy of success and the joy of the comeback, the joy of giving and the joy of teaching to give. But...how can I coach you through these lessons if I haven't found the path yet myself. That is why I do some of those 'crazy' things I do. That...and because I love you. Love Dad Hey guys, it's Dad, This morning I remembered (OK I didn't remember, my phone reminded me) that it was one of my friend's birthdays. We're pretty close friends, so I called him up to say hello and wish him well. Funny though, as I was reading over the post on his Facebook page, I saw something that I've seen countless times, but it never bothered me until today. Today I saw a post that simply said, "HBD." Initially, I didn't even know what it meant. I looked for a response from my friend to see if I could figure it out, but there wasn't one. My friend "Liked" the "HBD" comment, but he still gave no response. Then it hit me...HBD! Happy Birthday! When I figured it out, I unconsciously rolled my eyes back and shook my head. Why did that post upset me? I guess it didn't really upset me, but I was more feeling let down. We have become obsessed with efficiency; doing things quickly and with little effort. We fast forward our movies, our TV shows, and even our meals. We're starting to fast forward our entire lives! We've become so obsessed that we've forgotten how to be effective. There's a huge difference between effective and efficient. We need to be effective in our relationships; not efficient. Let me explain. Being effective means to produce the highest quality result. That's what we want for our friendships: High quality friends. Honestly though, do you want your relationships to be efficient (quick and with little effort)? At what point would you want your friends to be "efficient" with you? Where should they or you cut corners to save time? I have very few true friends. But they are my very best friends, and they matter to me. How they feel matters to me. Forgive my harshness, but the sender of this thoughtless, emotionless, lazy-mans-way birthday wish was either A) so busy that he couldn't be bothered to spend twenty seconds of his valuable time to write a kind, well thought out, sincere and effective birthday wish, B) he didn't actually care about my friend in the first place, or C) he was actually just being lazy (which we have all been guilty of) So here's my question: If you're too busy, don't care, or too lazy, why say anything at all? It's not a requirement! You didn't have to send a birthday wish. It's likely that nobody would have missed it. Imagine what my friend felt on his birthday, when he read "HBD" on his timeline. (I bet there were 20 or more identical posts). He probably felt nothing at all, right? So the birthday wish was...ineffective. Now imagine if he saw this on his timeline: "JOHN!!!! Happy Birthday! Man, you're 43 now! Crazy how time goes by so fast. I'm 50 now. FIFTY! Feelin' great though, and I hope you are too. I just wanted to send you quick note letting you know that I was thinking about your, and to wish you a happy birthday today. I hope that you, your bride, and your kiddos have a great time celebrating! Drop me a line if you're ever out this way, ok? We'll go grab a burrito down the street and get caught up! Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Chat soon!" There! See? That took just a little under ninety seconds to type out. Less that two minutes! I know, I know. "But I've got 1,462 friends on Facebook and it would take me all day to send out birthday wishes. It's just so much easier to use abbreviations. Yep, it is. It's so much easier. Now, I'm not here to tell you that nobody has 1,462 friends, but...yes I am. We don't have enough hours in our lives to manage than many TRUE friends. If you can't be bothered to even spell out two simple words, only to replace them with three initials, perhaps it's better that you don't say anything at all. In fact, Happy Birthday is actually only two words, so wouldn't the abbreviation simply be HB? Heck, that would even save 33% more time by dropping the "D". When we're dealing with people, our goal should never be "efficiency." It needs to be effectiveness. Isn't the point of sending a birthday greeting to make the recipient feel good? "HBD" isn't going to cut it, and neither is a response of "TY." So how can I be effective in my relationships? Well, just like we have to do in life, we have to be present; be in the moment with our relationships. In order to be effective you have to show a sense of authenticity and vulnerability. You need make the time and take the time to communicate the intended message. In today's day and age of shortcuts, life hacking strategies, laziness, and narcissism (that means really only being interested in yourself) we have a real opportunity to stand out. We can stand out as a model friend, a loving brother, cousin, or child. All we have to do is take a few extra moments away from ourselves and give those few moments to a few people that mean the most to you. You can give those moments to someone who needs them. You can lend an ear to a friend that wants to share. You can stop for a moment and think of a happy memory, then reach out to the people you were with at that happy time and say thank you. When I was really young, your Papa Jim told me that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we would listen more than we speak. THAT is a beautiful lesson in effectiveness. I'm no expert, but it has served me well in my relationships at home, with friends, at school, with clients, and on and on. Don't be quick with your friends, be excellent with your friends. Show an interest in them. Ask them questions, then listen with the purpose of understanding their excitement, their pain, their fears. Then, once you understand how they're feeling, lean on the golden rule. Treat them in a way that you would like to be treated if you felt the way that they are feeling. Comfort them, laugh with them, celebrate with them and for them. If you do this, you will have more true friends than you can possibly imagine, but no so many that you have to wish them all a "HBD." I love you boys! Love Dad 5 Words Tonight, I walked in from the garage to the sound of laughter in the kitchen. What better to walk in to? Michael had his shirt pulled up over his belly and he said, "Look, I've got a one pack." Although he was laughing, and in spite of the fact that he's a great looking kid, he has always been self conscious about his belly being, as he says, 'too big'. Truth be told, it's been that way since he was a baby. I remember taking pictures of him when he was a toddler, then sending them off to his doctor. At times he looked 9 months pregnant. Well, long story longer, this year his 'resolution' is to become more fit; stronger; healthier. "Maybe we could go to the gym together Dad. Not every day, but maybe 2 or 3 days per week?" His resolution on his terms. I couldn't have been more happy and proud of him. Back to the laughter. After looking at Michael with his shirt pulled up, I looked the other direction to see Adrianne with her shirt pulled up over her tummy. "Look Mikey! I have a no pack! No muscles here!" They were in such a happy place together; Michael's safe place. This was one of those time when I though that, as the same gender parent, I probably ought to show him that I love him, absolutely and unconditionally. At this particular moment in time, after all of the injuries and time away from training, I'm a good 10 pounds heavier than I want to be...and I'm FEELING it! So I looked him in the eyes and paused. I was thinking, "I know in my heart that he admires me. I know that he watches me put in endless hours of intense training. I know that he has had tears in his eyes when I've crossed those finish lines." Then, with a grin, I pulled my shirt up, stuck out my belly a bit and said, "See buddy. I've got your back. We'll work on it together, OK?" That's when he said it. He looked up from what he was doing, just for a split second, and said, "5 words Dad. 5 words." That phrase, "5 words", has evolved over the thousands; yes, he's 11...literally thousands of hours spent tucking him in at night. Some nights are long and filled with growing pains, some are short and sweet, others are silent with him falling asleep on my chest. Over the years, "I love you." became, "I love you buddy." Then it was "I love you to the moon." Now he's older. Now he really is maturing. Now it's so, so important that he believes, in his darkest moments, that no matter what...his mom and I love him. What are the 5 words? "Just the way you are." I showed him that I too have weaknesses; that I'm insecure, and his immediate, almost unconscious response was just that..."5 words dad. 5 words." I'll never forget that brief instance. Those hours by his side for all of those years are showing now. What a beautiful and special boy he is, with a really sensitive and loving heart. I love you Michael James....5 words. Hi guys. It’s Dad. An idea crossed my mind this morning after I dropped you off at school. It's bugged me for a while, so I want to share it with you. We live in a beautiful country, but this is one area where I think America got it wrong. Don’t let anybody or anything tell you what is beautiful. Only you could possibly know what is beautiful to YOU. Don’t look at magazine covers. Don’t watch reality TV. Don’t "see" what is shown to you…but see what truly is. Do you know the difference between a flowering weed and a flowering plant? I sure don’t. Does it even matter? They're both plants, and they both grow flowers, right? But which one is more beautiful? If you ask the florist, he’ll tell you that the expensive one beautiful. The truth is…how could a florist possibly know what’s beautiful to you? When you grow older and you find a young lady that you’re really attracted to, tell her that she is beautiful. She is beautiful the way she is. If she wasn't, you wouldn’t be attracted to her in the first place. Is it her intelligence or her kindness? Is it her strong spirit or her sense of humor? Or is it a unique blend of all of those qualities? Something attracted you to her, and her to you; something beautiful. Sure, when you're out on a date and her hair's just right and her makeup looks great - oh yeah, and she's wearing that cute outfit you love, she IS beautiful! But what about when she goes to sleep? What about when she wakes up in the morning with messy hair and wrinkly ol' pajamas? Did she somehow, in the middle of the night, become a completely different person? Of course not. She is the same person, with the same heart, the same mind, the same sense of humor; the same beauty. Yeah, her hair is a mess, and she’s sleepy, but she is just as beautiful as she was the night before. It's the truth. I promise. You know what’s beautiful about that special moment; that morning with messy hair and bad breath? What's special is "Her self." She is showing you her true, authentic self, and that means that she trusts you. She trusts you and feels safe next to you. What moment could be more beautiful than that? So, in that moment; in those types of moments, tell her that she’s beautiful and tell her why. Maybe she makes you laugh. Maybe she challenges you to become a stronger man. Maybe when she touches you, or she leans on your shoulder, even if just for a moment, the weight of the world melts away, . Protect her beauty, boys. Protect what's inside. Hide here eyes and her heart from the ridiculous standards that our society had created. Tell her to not to believe the lies and deceptions of the media. She is, as God intended; perfect. Maybe she's tall. Maybe she's short. Maybe she's curvy, or maybe she's not. Her eyes are unique. There aren't any other eyes like hers. Her hair is perfect, straight or curly, long or short, blonde, brown, red, or gray. It’s perfect. Be drawn to your partner for who she really is, and that will stand the test of time. We age. Our skin loses its softness. We get sick. We could become disfigured. We could lose the use of our body all together. Our bodies change, and there’s no way around that. Of course we're attracted to physical beauty! We're human beings! But only being attached to someone because they're cute will probably lead to a broken heart down the road. Our outward beauty is something that will inevitably leave us. It's something that we don’t ever actually possess, but we borrow. So don't grow too attached to it. It's about heart and character and respect and admiration and joy. A woman’s body changes when she gives birth to a child. On TV, in movies, magazines, and on social media, these changes are criticized, sending young women running to surgeons to get those changes "fixed". Those changes should be embraced, revered, and respected, not shamed, hidden, and criticized. Those changes are proof of the sacrifice she made in order to bring life into this world. THAT is beauty. Oh yeah, boys, remember that we age too. We'll get older, and slower, and less muscular, and bald! ;) That inner beauty though; that beauty that took you beyond attraction and made you fall in love; that beauty that made your heart ache when you were apart; that beauty doesn’t goes away. Like a flower, if you care for it, it grows. Guys, I want you to see that beauty in all things. It’s in the sunset. It’s in the mountains. It’s in a rock or a landmark or a skyscraper. And it’s in each of you. And it’s in all of us. See it. Appreciate it. …and tell her she’s beautiful. I love you, Dad |
AuthorAs a father of two sons, I have often wavered between feeling the burden of raising two strong, intelligent, compassionate young men and the privilege of doing so. Archives
May 2017
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